


How to Always Get Your Man

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Alternate Universe, Episode Related, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-05-11
Updated: 1999-05-11
Packaged: 2018-11-10 10:50:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11125560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Instructions on catching your man, if your man is a Chicago cop of Italian descent.





	How to Always Get Your Man

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

I have not harmed any original copyright

I have not harmed any original copyright. **M/M content, not explicit.** No deaths, popular songs or poetry. Comments are always welcomed. 

# HOW TO ALWAYS GET YOUR MAN

or: First Catch Your Italian - by Gloria Lancaster 

 

 

First of all be very sure about what you want. There's not much point setting out in pursuit of the man if you change your mind halfway. Be prepared to go the full distance; if he's the one you want, you'll have to work hard, cover miles and keep going no matter what the odds. Once you decide, yes, that's him, he's mine, the rest is just plain work. Make that decision first of all. 

So, you've seen him, you want him, you're quite sure? Now, the fun part. 

Study his habits, feeding, working. Know his routine as well as your own. Make yourself part of the routine, eat with him and be sure to invite him out to eat. Visit him at work, get him involved in your work if you can. Get everyone at work to think of you as a couple, that you go together like salt and pepper, let people talk about you that way. He'll start to think that way too, soon enough

Now this part is important. Don't try to get an easy ride here by thinking you can make him jealous. With some, yes, ok, it can work. But not often - believe it. And certainly not with mine. He was skittish enough as it was, and with a weird kind of honour code of his own. See, most times, he thinks you're interested in someone else, he'll "step aside". So, no foolish stunts. 

Next may seem rather crude, but we are animals after all (no offence Dief) and it's got to be admitted, you don't just want him for the pleasure of his company at a game or a brisk man to man chat about fishing or what have you. You want him because he's driving you crazy. Plain and simple. So, start to act that way, be proud, dress smart, be crisp and fresh and manly and don't be ashamed to express your pleasure in him \- not flattery, nothing so crude, but a genuine compliment, delivered with certainty - can go a long way.

Don't lie! If he's not got wonderful eyes, don't tell him he has. However, if he has got a great butt, well, tell him. Of course, if he has both wonderful eyes and a great butt, you're almost as lucky as me. Basically, here, don't lie to him. Find something about him that is wonderful, and then tell him so.

Now, if he's the kind to run a mile at even the mildest compliment, then give him compliments of a non verbal kind. Let your face light up with pleasure when you see him. If you can, touch him - whatever way you can, even casual day to day ordinary touching is better than none at all. If you can, and do be subtle about this, pet him, a little, when he's feeling low or tired - for example, you could rub your shoulder against his as you sit together and talk. Caress him with words, with looks even if that's all he'll allow. 

Don't shy away from him touching you. Let him touch you. Let him know what muscles feel like under his fingertips. Let him know that you aren't embarrassed by a bulge in the jeans or in the jockstrap. Show him what a proud, straight spine does to the physique of a man.

Refuse other invitations to spend time with him - and let him know you've done it. No matter who else gives you the glad eye, be polite and firm and turn away - towards him. With relief, with a smile, with a bat of your eyelashes if you have them... always, in whatever circumstances, turn towards him. 

If you can, engineer some opportunities for physical closeness. I was fortunate in this regard, since our work gave us many long hours together like this. But you could also try basketball, or sports, or household repairs and chores, or similar unthreatening activities. For example, you could help him wash and wax his car. 

Use your knowledge of his likes and dislikes here, but always bear in mind that the activities you chose must involve close physical proximity (for example, sit next to him at the game, hold the ladder while he paints the ceilings and so on). If at all possible, it should involve physical exertion and further than that, if you have the figure for it, it should involve minimal attire. Camping, hiking, all these are excellent. And show off. Deliberately. I'm not suggesting anything crude, but if you've got muscles, flex them. If you have skills, use them. Let him look. Let him get used to the idea of looking. Let him know you know he's looking and that you like it. He'll notice. Watch his eyes. They'll glitter like shiny stones at the bottom of a creek. It's because he's watching you out of the corner of his eye.

The next may seem sneaky, but it often works. Make him care about you - be pitiful if you have to be, but make him care. Select a topic that features your own helplessness or lack, a family matter or a career setback that will arouse his manly sympathies. If you can bring out his big hearted qualities, then you're almost home and free.

Do not weaken and become greedy, hasty or try to snatch at him. You've worked hard so far, don't ruin it all now at this late stage. Sit still, be patient and let him come to you, let him think it's all been his idea all along, let him think he's being brave, romantic, let him woo you (and don't give in all at once either, he'll enjoy the challenge, they always do). But act flustered, flattered, surprised. Above all, be thrilled. Let him kiss you and let yourself be swept away by his charms and always tell him so: never underestimate the power of a fervent whispered "You're so beautiful" at a tender moment.

So, there it is. I won't lie, it won't be easy but you knew that anyway. He's worth the effort, or you wouldn't be after him anyway. Nothing worth anything comes easy and without work. Good luck.

 

 

1057 words, for Katrina, with my dearest regards. -- Gloria Lancaster \- It is a truth universally acknowledged that a fan will forgive anything, except a third season without Ray. 

* * *


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